Ever since I was a tiny bunny, newly entered into this occasionally cruel world, eyes barely open and still coated in a shiny patina of Mama Rabbit's placenta, I knew I was different. I could run faster than my siblings, and not just paw-races to the warren and back, I'm talking Beijing to Vancouver in three minutes flat. I figured out early on that I had a passion for fashion. My family was content to run around naked like a bunch of lawless savages, but I was always clothed and coiffed to absolute perfection. It was all about the pastels - sweet, tender, effeminate pastels - tailored vests, flamboyant pants, shirtless (I like to show a bit of fur) and sometimes, if I was in an Oscar Wilde mood, a spiffy purple top hat with holes for my ears. Oh, yeah, and I realized I was GAY. Big surprise there.
My fascination with human men didn't go down well with Mama Rabbit. Rabbits are, as you know, breeders (ever hear the expression 'breeding like rabbits'? Hello! I had 323 nieces and nephews by the time I was five years old) and my family was concerned that I was just too different. But, in addition to my being able to run fast, it also became apparent that I was immortal, so when they all died, there was no one left to care about my tendencies and proclivities. I've outlived almost every bunny I've ever met, which was sad at first, but I got used to it. In time, you can get used to anything...
I was never attracted to other rabbits - they all smelled like carrots and dirt, which is fine if you have a farmer fetish, but if you like your men fresh out of the shower, wet hair shining in the sunlight, then the whole woodland creature thing is out of the question. And I am a big rabbit, if you know what I mean. I'm tall and I'm built and I like to work it. I need a man as tall as I am (over six foot) so we can look each other in the eye - as equals.
I've been single for nearly 400 years, and I think I've finally outgrown my wayward Bachelor Bunny ways. I want to settle down and cook my future lover omelets with my leftover Easter eggs. I want to raise a nursery full of Peeps. I want to see you in nothing but your Easter Bonnet. You catch my drift? My shrink, the Tooth Fairy (advances in modern dentistry meant that she suddenly had a lot of extra time on her tiny fairy hands, so she got a degree in psychology from the online branch of the University of Arizona) says that a stable relationship will be good for a gypsy like me. I'm a good catch: I only work one day a year, I go to the gym, I don't drink or smoke, and I've developed a nice little nest egg over the years (immortality does wonders for your stock portfolio). If you can handle my fur, and my cute little cotton tail, then I think we'd be a perfect match.
Think about it. I'm the ultimate snugglebunny, and I want to snuggle with you. . .send pix and a paragraph about you to viewers@gayborhood.tv. And a HAPPY EASTER to all my peeps in the Gayborhood. Love to all! ~The Easter Bunny
